Negotiation: You're doing it wrong
by Autumnsonlyone
Summary: What was Spike thinking? My FIRST attempt at Humor. Read and Review


Negotiation: You're doing it wrong

Author's note:

Hey everyone. I was sitting up tonight and got the bright idea to try something new. Humor is not my first choice for genre to write. But this idea kinda popped up in my mind while I was watching an episode of Flashpoint. Enjoy. Please let me know what you think. I don't own Flashpoint. If I did, I wouldn't be selfish. I'd share.

Spike was huddled on the floor in one of the briefing rooms near the corner. To the occasional passerby, it would look like Spike was looking for something that he dropped on the floor. But he wasn't. Spike was on a mission though. It was a very delicate operation. His first negotiation, and he had no backup, no second. Nothing. Spike was on his own. And he didn't like it at all.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here. I'm not going to come any closer either. So why don't you just put it down, and we can forget the whole thing." He spoke in a calm, nonaggressive tone of voice. The subject didn't respond. Spike shifted position, causing the subject to scoot further back. Spike sat back a little, not wanting the subject to become aggressive.

"Ok, ok. I hear you. You don't want me coming closer. I get it. Just, release the hostage. They are my primary concern. Release the hostage and we can all walk away. You'll be a free man, the hostage will be alive. Everyone's happy. What do you say." The subject remained silent, holding tight to his hostage. Spike ran his hands over his face in irritation. Then he calmed himself preparing to give it another go.

"Do you have a list of demands? Anything you want, I'll try to get it for you. Tell me what I can do for you to make you comfortable." The subject looked away. Spike was about to scream in frustration. Some negotiator he'd make. He wasn't making any headway. Spike was trying to maintain a sense of calm.

"Do you want food? Are you hungry or thirsty?" Again, nothing. Spike got up suddenly and sat against the table, thinking maybe the subject needed more room. After he moved away a little, the subject seemed to settle down and relax a little bit. Encouraged, Spike tried negotiating again, unsure how this operation was going to go.

"What do you say? How about you release the hostage and I'll get you some food. I know that you haven't eaten in a while. How about it hhmm?" The subject merely yawned at him, still holding tight to his hostage. Spike sat on the table, swinging his legs back and forth lazily. Hoping to draw the subject out a little with a false sense of security. He thought over his options.

As he thought about his options, he thought about how the subject had gotten the drop on the hostage in the first place. Spike had been responsible for him, and had just left him there alone for maybe two minutes. That had been more than enough time for the subject to make his move, Stealthily approach the Hostage and take him down in one shot. Looking back, Spike had to admit, it was clever taking the hostage in S.R.U. headquarters. When he had found out, Spike had given chase. And that led them into the briefing room.

"You know. You have no hope of walking out of here if you refuse to let the hostage go. Only by letting him go can you walk out of this building a free man." The subject just stayed where he was, silently watching every move that Spike made. So focused on his subject, Spike never heard anyone else enter the room until he felt a presence behind him. He risked a glance over his shoulder to See Ed looking at him with a big grin on his face. Spike glared at him.

"Do you mind Ed? I'm trying to negotiate the release of a hostage." Ed started full on laughing until he had tears coming out his eyes. Spike stood up.

"Love the boxers Spike. White with Yellow smiley faces suits your personality. Why didn't you just take your pants from my dog? He's harmless." Ed took the pants from the dog and handed them to Spike, who put them on quickly before anyone else saw him in his boxers. Once relieved of his hostage, the puppy ran over to Ed, who scooped him up. As Ed started to walk out of the room, he looked at Spike again.

"Bye the way Spike. Negotiation, You were doing it all wrong. Read up on it and try again tomorrow." Then he left, carrying his new puppy.


End file.
